will our children ever learn the meaning of Byzantine? probably not.


dear TX lege,

you are terrible, horrible, no good, very bad people and you should sit in the corner and have a good think about how you can be NOT SO EFFING AWFUL. but, as we are not your mommy and we don’t really care who your daddy is, we can’t force you to quit discriminating against people just because they can’t vote.

the TX Constitution says you little weasels get to decide how to fund schools even if it is to ask each house member to randomly pick a number between 1 and 150 or by dart board or whatever creepy shit the American Phoenix Foundation has hallucinated you’ve been doing in the basement. instead, we will just give you a D- and ask you to pretty please with extra credit on top quit failing Texas children.

we find your behavior repugnant.


that was essentially the message sent to the TX lege when they were put on notice by the Supreme Court of Texas. the SCOT ruling declared the Foundation Schools Program (aka the equation we use to determine school funding) constitutional only because the Texas Constitution says, “it shall be the duty of the Legislature of the State to establish and make suitable provision for the support and maintenance of an efficient system of public free schools.” pretty much no wiggle room there.

neither was there wiggle room on the double-decker dais of the Appropriations room (Pink Dome E1.030) where members shared microphones and cuddled during a joint hearing of the House Appropriations and Public Education Committees. I hope they all had their cootie shots.

the Chair of Pub Ed, Jimmie Don Aycock, being a former school board member, tried to put an extra $3 billion into pub ed for the FY2016-2017 biennial budget, but HB 1759 failed to pass out of the House. (I suspect it was a victim of the school choice war in when SB 276 died because it had no rider in the budget–oops.)

that’s nice, what happened in the hearing already?

• Rep. Dan Huberty would like one of the witnesses to please ride into next session on a genie lamp and wave a magic wand to fix everything. but such a thing is to be expected from a guy who went looking like a former altar boy to someone who thinks its a good idea to impersonate Col. Sanders every Friday. 

• TEA thinks that the school funding lawsuit is a joke and the ruling was a punchline.  line forms to the left to it remains illegal to punch the commissioner and his lawyer in the face. I’d say that you should do it with votes, but this is not possible as we elect commissioners for RRC, TDA and GLO while still allowing our Education and Health Commissioners to be appointed. 

• ASATR is pronounced “ass uh tar”. I knew that already, but it still makes me giggle.

• Rep. Larry Gonzales used to be Appropriations Chair Otto’s COS. that’s nice. 

wah wah wah fiscal cliff wah wah school killer wah bandaid on top of a bandaid wah wah wah we’re in apickle wah wah

• if your last name is Kramer, it should not be spelled Craymer.

• urban schools should not be subject to recapture. we’re screwing Austin ISD and Houston ISD with this because while they have pockets of wealth and large swaths of very valuable land, the schools are still majority poor. this happens to be the same for rural ISDs near oil fields.

• Rep. Ashby decided there will be a new caucus with just him, Jimmie Don and Cecil Bell called the Leon Co. Caucus.

• Rep. Phelan is glad that one of the superintendents in his district told people that all their problems were his predecessor’s fault. not so happy about how the superintendent told them Phelan would fix everything. Phelan still has a name that looks like it’s pronounced “felon”.

• you can forward all your hate mail to Moak Casey & Associates because they’re expecting a bunch after this hearing anyway.

• both Chair Aycock and Appropriations Chair John Otto (Jotto?), are retiring this year so they were asking tough questions and then going, “HAHAHA! this is y’alls shit now, ya poor bastards!” looks like the Leon Co. Caucus is going to be a lot of Ashby not making the dimples at Cecil…

and his hat. he never goes anywheres without his lucky blanky hat.


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